A so-called Australian so-called friend has just sent me a page of jokes. The highlights appear below:

Q. What would Mark Waugh be if he were an English batsmen?
A. In form.

Q. How dominant is Australia’s No. 1 fast bowler?
A. Most people in England think their opening batsman’s real name is Atherton B McGrath.

Q. How bad is the English batting?
A. Well, the selectors are thinking of moving Extras up the batting order.

Q. Why are the England players demanding increased match payments?
A. Someone has let on that Ashes Tests sometimes go to a fourth day.

Q. What is the height of optimism?
A. An English batsman applying sunscreen.

Q. What is the English version of a hat-trick?
A. Three runs in three balls.

Cruel, cruel, but not wholly unfair. The complete collection is available on request. The second is just a variant of one of my favourite jokes, which is Billy Connolly’s claim that he always thought his local football team was called Partick Thistle Nil.

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