AREA MAN ACTS LIKE HE’S BEEN INTERESTED IN AFGHANISTAN ALL ALONG

From The Onion:

LEXINGTON, KY.  According to friends and colleagues, for nearly two months now, Michael Schloegel has been acting like he was interested in Afghanistan long before Sept. 11.

“Ever since the attacks, he’s been making like he’s been a Central Asia expert for years,” said Lisa Reames, a longtime friend of the 30-year-old University of Kentucky graduate student. “Like, the other day, he was saying how after the Soviets left Afghanistan, an alliance of mujahideen set up a new government. Then, he said he remembers when the Soviet-backed government replaced President Barbrak Karmal with Muhammad Najibullah in ’86. Yeah, fucking right. I’m sure he was aware of that when he was 15.”

Friends concede that the intelligent and well-read Schloegel may well have known something about Afghanistan prior to the crisis, but they say he is exaggerating the depth of this knowledge.

“I’m sure Mike knew more about [Afghanistan] than I do,” roommate Ben Ware said. “He probably knew what the capital was and maybe some real basic stuff about the Taliban. But I lived with him over the summer, and I don’t recall him ever going off about the history of the Northern Alliance like he does these days.”

Ware said Schloegel is often seen carrying books related to the crisis, including such current bestsellers as Karen Armstrong’s Islam: A Short History and Ahmed Rashid’s Taliban. Ware said he is “99.9 percent sure” that Schloegel purchased the books in recent weeks. …

One of the picture captions reads: “Above: A receipt shows an Oct. 30 purchase date for a book Schloegel claims to have bought three years ago.”

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